Saturday, June 22, 2024
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Get off my lawn guy

| May 24, 2023 2:00 AM

Well, I’ve stooped to a new low. I should have seen it coming. The failing eyesight, the thinning hair, the multi-shaded beard that looks like it ought to be in the animal shelter, not on my face.

That’s right, now it’s happened. I’ve become one of those, “Get off my lawn guys.”

I should have seen it coming. It’s in the genes.

I recall my grandfather after supper watching the ball game on the tube in his chair. The farmhouse was on a rural road that happened to also be a shortcut, so cars would blast down it at 60 mph.

Some had mufflers. Many did not.

If one shot by the house he’d jump out of his chair, pull back the drapes and look out the window.

“Who the hell was that?” he’d say, as if they were going to stop and give him their name and address.

Sitting in my office at the Hungry Horse News, I often think the same thing as a truck or car blasts by.

The other day, however, took the cake.

This guy on a bicycle rides up and is talking to himself. Something obviously isn’t going right as he strips off his backpack and throws his body around, like he had a bee in his shirt.

Then he flops under one of the trees at the Horse.

Now we’ve had plenty of weary travelers take refuge under the trees at the Horse over the years. I’ve even offered up some water to more than a couple weary cyclists over the years — most decline. They’re typically on that race from Canada to Mexico. Many, even with modern technology, appear a bit lost.

But I digress.

This guy doesn’t just flop down under the tree and babble to himself like a baby, he pulls out a bong and lights it up.

That’s when the “get off my lawn,” gene kicked in.

I walked outside and told him to get the hell out of here.

He, of course, had some choice words for me, too.

But the threat of jail didn’t take long to sink in and after a couple of minutes he begrudgingly put his bong back in his bag and hopped on his bike and went on down the road.

Police Chief Clint Peters showed up just a minute or two later and said he’d look around for him.

Never heard if he caught up with him.

So yes, weary travelers, you’re welcome to sit in the lawn of the Horse and we’re more than happy to offer you a cool drink of water.

But as for the bong, please leave that in your backpack.

Have a good week.