Friday, June 25, 2021

Blame Bill

| May 26, 2021 9:05 AM

Well, I got my second and final coronavirus vaccine shot the other day. I was bragging to my wife how good I felt and then just before bed I decided I’d have a couple of cocktails, you know, because I felt so good and the neighbors had just moved out, too.

Life was looking up.

(I didn’t tell you about the neighbors? Well, let me digress. The wonderful neighbors had a wonderful pit bull that chased my wonderful wife into her wonderful minivan on Christmas morning a few years back. The dog, all jaws and snarls and snapping teeth was just saying hello, the neighbors said. That was met by me with a few choice words and some back and forth and then, finally a call to the Sheriff’s office, where the dog promptly got a slap on the wrist and a dog cookie. Meanwhile I spent a good $600 the next spring on a fence and another $900 on trees so I no longer had to deal with, or look at, the neighbor ever again. But I don’t want to sound bitter, so I’ll stop there.)

Like I said, I got my second shot and had a couple of cocktails which is a great way to get sick the next day.

‘Rona and booze don’t mix. So I took a few hours off and laid in bed until I felt better, which ended up being the next day.

I know what you’re thinking: Bill Gates is to blame.

Of course like most of you red blooded ‘Mericans I believe that Gates personally put a chip in my vaccine and he’s tracking me as I write this, which, to be honest, isn’t so bad.

I mean, I feel a little smarter and the urge to get a big tattoo of my first car, a Chevy Chevette, in the center of my back has waned considerably.

(For what it’s worth, don’t ever buy a Chevy Chevette. Possibly one of the worst cars ever.)

Maybe this Gates chip will make me a little smarter, you know? I mean, I’ve been doing this gig for something like 28 years now (if you count my time at a daily) and I still can’t type like someone who has been trained to type can type.

How I get this newspaper out each week is beyond me.

Maybe this Gates chip will help. Lead me to the path of enlightenment. At least maybe I’ll have the sense to go take a typing class.

Chris Peterson is the editor of the Hungry Horse News.