Bun pun fun

I just finished reading a very special National Geographic from a few years back, which featured Yellowstone Park and much of Montana. I had forgotten the widely discussed cover shot was a large scenic from Grinnell Lake in Glacier Park. It was looking northwest across the lake toward the towering peaks of the Continental Divide up to the “overlook.” In the center was a line of obviously well shaped co-eds from Montana State University “flashing” that magnificent view with their bare chests. Just bare backs were what the readers had to settle for.

For some reason, “chest flashing” doesn’t seem to have caught on the way that “mooning” did some 30 years ago. The last major mooning in the Flathead I can recall was during a wild New Years celebration in Whitefish around the turn of the century.

Seems like the 1980s were during the times when we had a year-round bare season, so I looked up records and found an important 1986 column on the subject, because newer folks in our community should know local history:

Up until a few years ago, “mooning” meant passing time aimlessly in a silly fashion due to infatuation with someone of the opposite sex. It certainly doesn’t mean that anymore. It now connotes a form of exhibitionism wherein the “mooner” publicly reveals his or her bare behind … sort of a back flash.

Getting to the bottom of this social phenomenon proved difficult, but I tried. I asked a local mooner if his kind just rear up at people, or if they also gave backside salutes to inanimate objects. He replied that non-human targets weren’t much fun; however, but they might try mooning the moon itself sometime, providing the effort could be organized as a group session to help display after thoughts about global warming.

State Representative Marie Parente has introduced a bill in the Massachusetts Legislature to outlaw “public exposure of the human backside.” She believes the innocent public must be protected from the “psychological trauma of mooning.” Some of Marie’s colleagues are calling it the “Ban the Bun Bill,” thus making her legislation the butt of many jokes. One senator said his group was going to ignore the bill by just turning the other cheek.

Mooning is not specifically mentioned under statutes covering indecent exposure here in Montana, Massachusetts or any other state that I can find. This fact has been a nude awakening for law enforcement officers across the country. One local cop told me they have prosecuted a few local mooners, but they did it under disorderly conduct laws. He said, “We’ve really got to catch ‘em with their pants down, otherwise there is a problem with identification, simply because witnesses are not good at describing things they observe.”

One of this country’s leading public defenders says he hasn’t had a mooning case yet, but if he gets one, he’ll probably bring a psychologist to testify if his client’s behavior is a compulsive act manifesting a split personality. He is anxious for a test case wherein a defendant could legally “sit on” the primary evidence.

I asked one of our state representatives if there was any talk of a “Bun Bill” for our next legislative session and if he had a stand on the matter. He said he thought the worst was behind us, then just mumbled something about there being two sides to the issue.

All my research has failed to reveal where the bottom line will be drawn in this mooning business, but a majority think the end is in sight.

G. George Ostrom is an award-winning columnist from Kalispell.