Old 'clip stuff'

For my first 50 years in the column business, I saved weird items in a “clip pile” which could get to a troublesome size of “stuff” on my desks. I don’t do that anymore, so when desperate for material, like this week, I dig up old columns like this one from 1993:

Russell Parker, from Oklahoma, can never hunt or fish in Montana again because he overdid his hunt near Miles City. He can’t remember what he shot, but the game warden proved four mule deer bucks, two antelope, two whitetail and two mule deer does. Besides being banned from Montana, Russell has to find $5,000 for fines and is under a deferred three-year sentence in the State Pen.

Donald McLean of Cutbank lost his right to hunt in Montana for the rest of his life because of an arithmetic problem. The limit on ducks is six in one day. When caught by the game warden, he was over the limit by 87 birds.

I’m glad Donald McLean didn’t go hunting deer and antelope with Russell Parker.

The owner of a music store in Helena took sneak videos of five female models without their clothes on using a secret camera behind the changing screen at a modeling contest. The ladies were upset and the photographer was arrested, but for naught. A Helena judge said the action might have been “reprehensible” but wasn’t a crime as long as he just used the video for his own amusement and not for financial benefit. He might run for Congress.

An elderly tourist couple from Pennsylvania is being sued by the State of Idaho because their vehicle set a fire in grass along U.S. Route 5. A tire blew and sparks touched off the blaze. Idaho’s Deputy Attorney General wants Fred and Jeanne Howard to come up with $1.3 million. In my mind, there seem to be a lot of questions here, (1) How long does it take to accumulate $1.3 million from your Social Security check? (2) What does Idaho’s Deputy Attorney General do in his spare time for fun, turn tigers loose in the old folks home?

A 34-year-old Arizona school teacher, Judith Burke, is the mother of a new baby boy, Ryan Patrick. The kids in Mrs. Burke’s 5th grade class are going to be stumped coming up with show-and-tell like the one the teacher did. Baby Ryan arrived unexpectedly during a math test and popped out on the classroom floor.

Several years ago, there was a weep easy campaign on the radio. “Don’t cause a good boy to go wrong. Be sure and lock your car.” I tried to help out by coming up with related slogans like “Don’t cause a good boy to hit you over the head. Wear a helmet.” (end of 1993 stuff).

G. George Ostrom is an award-winning columnist. He lives in Kalispell.