About famous sayings and Ed Zern
One of my favorite pastimes is making up “famous sayings.” I do it all the time. However, some members of my family, people I work with, and even Over the Hill Gang coffee mates say making up famous sayings isn’t possible unless you are famous.
“Oh, pshaw,” say I.
George Ostrom or anyone else on Earth has a perfect right to make up a famous saying if they want to.
Just for the record, here are samples I recently wrote down.
“It really upsets me when I can’t remember why I dislike someone.”
“Never tell a lie if the truth seems more believable.”
“The vivid brilliance of autumn leaves is the Lord’s apology for taking away the flowers.”
Those are my only famous sayings I can remember right now, so am re-running a column done in the summer of 1987...
There are dozens of nationally published writers whose ability with words and wits sharp as lasers regularly entertain us. They bring me and millions of others chuckles, audible laughter, joyous highs, and relaxing escape. One man has given me this gift longer than any other. For those deprived individuals who don’t know him, I must explain.
The masthead on Field and Stream lists Ed Zern as “Editor at Large,” and he always has the final word in that magazine because his column “Exit Laughing” is on the last page.
I have a precious worn copy of Ed’s first book published in 1945 titled “To Hell with Fishing.” The opening chapter is headed “How to Dispose of Dead Fish.”
He draws his own illustrations and has associated along trout streams with such people as Corey Ford, Ted Trueblood, and of course, Milford Poltroon, who wrote the illustrated classic “How to Fish Good.” Ed has fished all over the world and is the founding father of the “Madison Avenue Rod, Gun, Bloody Mary & Labrador Retriever Benevolent Association.”
He is the only person I’ve read who can explain how to find a better wife or tax loopholes by using the solunar tables.
These are just a few of the reasons why he is my top literary hero.
Was reading the Hungry Horse News last Thursday and stumbled across the information that Ed Zern was attending the national outdoor writers’ convention at the Outlaw Inn. ED ZERN HERE IN KALISPELL! Forgot my son’s impending wedding, my speech to the Montana broadcasters convention next day, and the oven I was supposed to turn on “sharply at four.”
Down at the Outlaw, terror struck when I couldn’t locate him in his room or in the lecture hall, where Bill McCrae was speaking on wildlife photography. A stark raving, foamy-mouthed frenzy was avoided by meeting a magazine editor who said he had just seen Ed in the dining room.
Ed Zern is a kindly man. In spite of my babbling like a star-struck teenybopper meeting Bruce Springsteen, he invited me to pull up a chair and chat. I began by telling him my life story in 20 minutes without taking a breath and ended the narration by gasping, “I’ve been admiring your work for a hundred years.”
Ed smiled and said, “That might be a little off. I’ve only been writing for about 85.”
When I got home, first wife Iris forgave me for not turning on the oven, and asked what Ed and I had discussed.
Embarrassed rationality was starting to set in, so there was nothing I could come up with except, “Well, he didn’t say much, what with his eating and all his excitement over getting to meet me.”
G. George Ostrom is an award-winning columnist from Kalispell.