A wild and crazy plan
There were at least a dozen DUI arrests over the last week in the Flathead, but our jail is too full to take ‘em, however, three had eight or more such arrests so room was found. Controlling drunk drivers continues to be a costly problem to deal with across the nation. Ten years ago I did a unique column on one state’s crazy plan and it’s worth revisiting:
Once upon a time there was a sanctuary of sin located deep within the heart of the world-famed “City of Lights.” That naughty social center was called Pigalle, but the American G.I.s who visited called it “Pig Alley.” It came to pass a young and naive American soldier from the hills of Montana found himself there during a three-day pass to Paris.
After a fine dinner and floor show with liquid refreshments, I went to the men’s room. Upon turning away from the porcelain target and adjusting my trousers, I bumped into a scantily clad young woman who was standing slightly behind me. She was holding a small towel draped between her wrists with a bar of soap resting thereupon. That was the first time I’d ever had a woman sneak up on me in a men’s room. Stuff like that just doesn’t happen here in the Flathead. Needless to say, I went into “modesty shock.”
This memory from my distant past was brought to mind for this week’s column because of surprising news from the state of New Mexico. Should a man go into the restroom at the Turtle Mountain Brewing Company’s bar and restaurant at Rio Rancho, or into any of hundreds of other New Mexico watering holes, he is in for a big surprise.... I mean a REALLY BIG surprise.
The state government recently paid twenty-one dollars apiece for “talking urinal-deodorizer cakes.” Five hundred (500) of these ingenious instruments have been put in urinals across the state. “When a man steps up, the motion-sensitive plastic device says, in a woman’s flirty but stern voice: ‘Hey, big guy. Having a few drinks? Then it’s time to call a cab or call a sober friend for a ride home. Remember, YOUR FUTURE IS IN YOUR HAND.”
Ken Miller, one of the first men to have the urinal’s sexy female voice speak to him says, “It startles me... but it sure got my attention.”
Well! I WOULD THINK SO!
Though it is a very new program, three of the talking deodorizer cakes have already been stolen from Turtle Mountain. Apparently some of the guys would rather be lectured by a plastic device than by their wife.
This talking urinal program is the latest desperate move by New Mexico authorities to try and reduce the drunk-driving related accidents in their state. Even if it works, I sure hope they don’t move the plan up here to Montana. I don’t know about other men, but if a sultry woman’s voice suddenly started preaching at me from a bar urinal, I might not be able to go potty again for six months.
(NOTE- One thing wrong with this old column and I apologize. Never did find out whether that New Mexico plan cut down on the DUIs. Sorry!)
George Ostrom is an award-winning columnist. He lives in Kalispell.