Patterson for president
Fly fishers, all across the country, are ecstatic to learn Hank Patterson has proclaimed his candidacy for “President of the United States of the Americas 2017.”
Patterson, self-proclaimed World’s Greatest Fly Fishing Guide, is best known for his spot-on, hilarious fly fishing parody videos.
In an early episode, Patterson sits in a lawn chair in shallow water, drinking a PBR, while instructing his client Crazy Reese to “Snap it, snap it, then splash it down hard on the water! Snap it and Slap it! If you ain’t tearing your labrum, you aren’t casting hard enough.”
And my favorite, “We caught 40-60 fish here yesterday. All on caddis. They wouldn’t hit anything but caddis. Should’ve brought some.”
Patterson, real name Travis Schwartz, grew up in Boise, Idaho with his high school buddy Reese Ferguison.
It was Ferguison’s idea, in 2012, to produce a fly fishing parody video with hopes of winning $1,000 First Prize in a Drake Magazine film contest.
They used the money to make Be Well! Fish On! A Reel Recovery Experience, a serious video about Reel Recovery, a group offering fly fishing retreats for men with cancer.
Ferguison, who often appeared as the deadpan client, died of cancer in April 2016.
Only a fly fisher with Patterson’s experience could tie flies with Elmer’s Glue, pee in his waders, and recommend the Wolf-a-Doodle as the ultimate fly fishing dog.
And when confronted with a momma bear and cub, Patterson states the first thing you should do is run over and grab the cub because no momma bear will attack her cub!
To attract voters, Patterson says, “If you’re super rich and you want to get super richer, vote for the other guy.
“If you’re totally broke and you want a law to walk across some rich guy’s lawn to get to a good fishing hole, vote for me!
“Am I smart enough to be your President? No way. Am I a good choice to be your President? Not even close. But am I the best choice you got right now? You bet, I am!”
Check out all the Hank Patterson videos on YouTube.
Jerry Smalley’s Fishful Thinking column appears weekly in the Hungry Horse News.