A 'secret' to self-confidence

A fellow ex-GI student at the University of Montana once stated, “I’ve never met a psychologist who didn’t need one.” That observation contains a seed of truth in the eyes of us common folk who try to fathom the teachings of Sigmund Freud.

The subject of “ego” came up the other day, and none of us quite understood where the line is between egotism and self-confidence, or even if there is a line. The terms are somehow related?

Many years ago, an older gentleman came to my office because someone had told him, “George Ostrom might be able to help you.” Clearly and concisely, he explained his problem, and without hesitation I replied, “Modesty prevents me from saying how much I can help you.”

The white-haired man looked at me with eyes full of merriment and said, “I know you understand the concept of modesty ... but it certainly isn’t a burden to you.”

This observant stranger had honed in on the cockiness I wore that day, and it broke me up. When the laughter died, I suggested a solution to his problem. We parted good friends, and I have never forgotten what he said.

All humans do self-analysis and soul searching, have moments of great doubt, and cover times of unsureness with bravado. God knows I’ve been in that situation many times; however, some of us are blessed with more self-confidence than others.

I’m not sure if it is genetic, learned or both. Even in the toughest times, my mother and father clung to confidence in their abilities to weather storms and achieve something above average, and they encouraged us kids in positive things we did.

Seems to me, the lack of self-confidence is most apt to show up in teenagers. That is when most of us need uncompromising parental as well as teacher encouragement and support ... and discipline. Sadly, in this day and age, there is a percentage of youngsters not getting that vital support. We are all too aware of young people whose natural self-confidence is stunted from negative parenting, with the resulting wrong peer choices. They are in the news every day.

Confident as I usually was, it was not too far into approaching adulthood when I had to accept truth: “There were people smarter than I in certain things, such as mathematics and science.” As a skinny 125-pound high schooler, it was obvious I wouldn’t stand out in football. It is elemental, every child must got through often painful adjustments to his or her mental and physical limitations.

Luckily along the line for each of us, there is “something” we can do well, but we must search for it. That something can contribute meaningful value to our lives and to others. It can be anything from driving trucks, laying bricks coaching Pee Wee baseball, or doing brain surgery.

In later life, I envied photographers like Danny On and Tom Ulrich, who forgot more about taking pictures than I’ll ever learn. I felt humble in the presence of Tom McManus, who can routinely write funnier stories that I do at top form.

People with self-confidence, or “ego,” will always have to deal with not being number one, but that can be just a minor bump in the road.

Was having doubts over something a few years back and ran across “a secret” that has cheered me ever since. It put all things regarding talent and ability into wise perspective.

“Use what talents you possess — the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang the best,” American writer Henry Jackson Van Dyke clearly and simply summed up the human condition. We all have worth. We are all needed. We don’t have to be the best logger to work in the forest. We don’t have to be the best teacher to successfully lead students into knowledge. We don’t have to be the world’s brightest writer to do an interesting column.

“The woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best.” Oh darn, I wish I could have written that.

G. George Ostrom is a national award-winning Hungry Horse News columnist. He lives in Kalispell.