Fist fight with a griz

Glacier Park grizzlies are out and about, but there is most concern about the big bears down in the Yellowstone area, which had two fatal maulings last summer.

Federal Fish and Wildlife expert Chris Servheen, leader of all grizzly bear management in this country, was making public statements about tightened biologist methods while urging hikers to get official avoidance information and carry handy pepper spray on the back country trails.

I was pleased when both state and federal officials finally felt safe in recommending bear spray; however, that stuff is a fairly new weapon. Every few years, I rerun a true pre-spray story which I still find unbelievable, scary and slightly humorous:

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On July 26, 1984, a tourist fella up in Glacier Park did a very daring thing and had thereby disrupted hundreds and maybe thousands of happy marriages.

A California visitor, Barry Gamble, was hiking the trail to Iceberg Lake with his girl friend, Peggy Denial, when a grizzly charged them and started “clawing” Ms. Denial. For reasons even he will probably never understand, Mr. Gamble leaped on the bear and started socking it in the head with his fists; and for reasons I’ll never understand, the bear did not eat him right on the spot. The confused and possibly amazed griz backed off, then came back for one final swat at Ms. Denial before heading into the brush.

This story was immediately featured in national media, and I hope at least some of you husbands lucked out better that I did in talking over the news event with your wife.

Our breakfast conversation started on a fairly innocent note with Iris saying, “My! That man certainly was brave, wasn’t he George?”

“Pretty dumb trick if you ask me,” I mumbled through my bacon.

“What do you mean DUMB? That man risked his life for that woman … and they aren’t even married.”

“Yeah! Dumber than I first thought.”

The discussion took a nasty turn here. Iris lowered her voice, narrowed her eyes, and in a low menacing tone asked, “If a grizzly bear was clawing and chewing on me, would you run up and hit it in the head with your fists?”

“Of course not Iris! You know how much trouble I’ve been having with my elbow, and how it’s affecting my golf scores.”

“G. George Ostrom! We are not talking here about wrists and golf … we are talking about unmeasurable, instinctive, and unquestioning LOVE.”

“Oh! I thought we were just kiddin’ around some Californian who thought he could win a fist fight with a grizzly bear.”

In spite of dazzling verbal parries and preponderance of logical testimony … I lost the argument. If Iris is ever attacked by anything from a gopher to a whole herd of grizzlies, I am completely committed to instant bare knuckle combat.

I am only consoled by the hopeful scenario of Barry Gamble soon being married to Peggy Denial in their home town of Cotati, Calif., and then him having to live out his remaining years toting a guilty burden for all the trouble he caused by a moment of madness … to innocent husbands like me.

G. George Ostrom is a national award-winning Hungry Horse News columnist. He lives in Kalispell.