My secret KP story

The “stolen valor” law which prohibited anyone from lying about their military service was declared unconstitutional by the Supreme court, but a rider on the new defense bill changes the law to prohibit falsifying military service and awards in a fraudulent manner for personal gain, i.e. getting a job, promotions, etc.

Got to discussing that matter with the manager of KGEZ radio, John Hendricks, a Vietnam vet. This was during our morning show, and I said I had only a few military awards, then added, “I didn’t even get the “Good Conduct Medal.” That reminded me of a long ago army adventure:

The former Gestapo compound housing my occupation unit, 7772 Headquarters Signal Battalion, in Frankfurt, Germany, had a big mess hall requiring a large crew; however, KP duties were by German civilians, paid by us soldiers kicking in packs of Luckies each month.

Shortly after I made sergeant, some of my friends and I figured out “somebody” was making a considerable rakeoff on the KP system, so we refused to donate the full amount of “Americanish cigs” the next payday.

In a short time, my protest group had our names show up on a “KP roster.” My “duty job” as a traffic chief in the ETO Headquarters Communications Center was a vital assignment, so KP was to be on a day off. I showed up at the mess hall wearing first class uniform, not fatigues. Was met by a captain I’d never seen before, and he chewed me out in front of the GI cooks and German help for not being in “proper uniform,” then he ordered me to clean out the grease trap, a stinky foul chore.

Can’t recall clearly what I told the captain, but it did involve telling him to go to hell before walking out. Do remember calling him a “kraut loving SOB.”

Next day, my company commander, Captain Laurendeen, summoned me to his office and asked what the hell I had done. Said he had a request to conduct a summary court-martial against Sgt. Ostrom. Told him the story, and he agreed I had been treated unfairly in that situation, but he said he had to take disciplinary action.

We worked out a deal where I signed a paper agreeing to Chapter 15 of the Army Code of Justice, wherein I would take whatever punishment he chose to hand out in lieu of a court-martial. The captain and I respected each other, and he knew I had a clean service record; however, he did remark, “You could have left out the SOB part.”

Punishment came unexpectedly weeks later when the company CQ roused me out very early after a wild party at the NCO beer hall and told me Laurendeen wanted me to mop the tile halls in our large barracks. I suffered through but felt I got off easy and even considered it funny ... after I got over the headache. One corporal almost got my mop over his head when he tried to take a picture.

The “KP incident” was not what kept me from getting the Good Conduct Medal. The Chapter 15 didn’t even get on my record. Was told at Camp Kilmer, a service man had to serve three full years to get the GD, and I was discharged a couple of weeks early for “unused leave time.”

That surprised me because I had carefully used all accrued leave for exploring Europe while I was there. Maybe the omission was a clerk’s error, but once in awhile I like to think Captain Laurendeen had done me a favor — after making me mop the halls. I’ll never know.

G. George Ostrom is a national award-winning Hungry Horse News columnist. He lives in Kalispell.