You might be from Bigfork if…

While growing up in Iowa, the “you might be a redneck” jokes were quite popular. So much so that we often made our own “you might be from Iowa” jokes. A particular favorite of mine was “you might be from Iowa if you’ve ever had to switch from heat to air conditioning in the same day.”

That one would probably work for Bigfork too, but I think it’s time to come up with some uniquely Bigfork ones.

So far I’ve lived in Bigfork for nearly nine months and “survived” my first round of tourist season, thus making me an “official resident of Bigfork.” So my first act as an “official resident” is to poke fun at our quirks.

You might be from Bigfork if:

• You miss lunch when you’re out of town for the day because the sirens didn’t go off at noon.

• You’ve ever used the phrase “en plein air” or any other phrases commonly used in ritzy art museums to describe a toddler’s finger painting.

• You believe that novelty-size forks are the epitome of classy home décor.

• You’ve ever gone out of your way to avoid turning left on the main road because summer traffic does not quit.

• You carry extra cash everywhere you go because somebody will inevitably be holding a fundraiser.

• You use the scales in Harvest Foods’ produce section to weigh your beer because you know exactly how buoyant your cooler is.

• You believe that real tootsie rolls have nothing to do with chocolate.

• You’ve ever considered taking out a loan for a piece of artwork for your home.

• All of your shirts have at least one cherry or huckleberry stain.

• Not only do you believe in elves, but you also believe they are fueled by “egg nog.”

• You’ve ever adjusted the color on your television because the Minnesota Vikings were purple, everyone knows Vikings wear blue.

• You never leave home without bear spray, but always seem to forget to bring sunscreen.

• On any given day you know what the exchange rate is between American and Canadian currency.

• You believe that purchasing a bicycle that costs more than your car is a solid investment.

• Having no signal on your phone is on your list of requirements when finding the perfect place to camp or hike.

• Depreciation of value seems illogical to you, old things are either “antique” or “vintage,” and that at least triples the value.

• You believe everything can be improved by adding antlers.

• You use “Last Friday” in the future tense.

• You save money on your electric bill by unplugging your stereo because the bands playing in town can be heard from miles away.

• Seeing a dog on a leash seems unusual to you.

• You know that snowbirds aren’t actually birds.

• You know that Tamarack Time doesn’t involve clocks.

• You only know a handful of people who were actually born and raised in Bigfork.