Free Cruises and Old Jokes

G. GEORGE OSTROM / For the Hungry Horse News

Fully mature people do not get overly excited when they get letters offering "A Fabulous Free Bahamas Getaway Cruise." However, I did read over one we got last Saturday. On the back of the $1,300 "credit voucher" check was the small print, "Transportation to and from Florida are the traveler's responsibility." So! We would have to find round-trip airline money to take a free "two day cruise from Fort Lauderdale to Nassau and back?"

Oh darn! There was more small print, "The Caribbean Cruise Line reserves the right to collect $9 per person per day, without prior notice, if the price of light sweet crude oil is greater the $40.00 per barrel." After reading more of the small print "ifs' and "maybes," came to the part where we would be required to attend two different sales presentations, i.e., "Fun guided tours of vacation ownership villages." Those things are a sales resistance nightmare! We got suckered into one several years back. The sales people at those "presentations' make the glibbest used car salesman in the world look meek. They are the kind of slickers who could actually sell ice boxes to Eskimos, are unrelenting, and haven't any idea what the word "NO" means.

In spite of added temptations such as three free days in Orlando, stop-offs for "casino fun" in Las Vegas, and unlimited mileage from Budget Rent-a-car … Iris and George can't afford a "Free" Bahamas Cruise this year.

With that business out of the way, what did I do besides love our charming little great grandson, and watch football games over the weekend? Went down in my messy den and found a long-lost collection of one-liner 'she jokes' from the olden days of male chauvinism. Due to a lock of more intelligent inspiration, I'll share a few with you for a nostalgic 2010 giggle or two:

"SHE JOKES"

1. She was only the stableman's daughter, but all the horsemen knew her.

2. She lived right by the border, but she'd never come across.

3. She was as pure as the new fallen snow … but she drifted.

4. She was the welder's chubby daughter, but she had acetylene sisters.

5. She worked many years at the golf course, but never played a round.

6. She was only a moonshiner's daughter, but I loved her still.

7. She hugged me in a hammock, but we had a falling out.

8. Her face was flushed, but her broad shoulders saved her.

9. She was the printer's beautiful daughter, but she wasn't my type.

Have to go now. There are only a half dozen college bowl games left.

G. George Ostrom is a Kalispell resident and a national award-winning Hungry Horse News columnist.