Lying for Fun and Profit

As if it wasn't enough with the 2008 election campaign heating up, Alas! The general hunting season is nearing. This is truly a time when regular folk must be on guard against false information … not just from public figures but also from our normally honest friends and neighbors. Did research on this subject 10 years ago and it bears repeating for the public good:

Lying is a hot topic now because of high profile personalities doing it … with and without the benefit of advanced training. Misleading the masses has always been a political strategy but are taking it to new levels … perhaps inspired by confusing reports coming from Congress and the White House.

A state of Iowa committee was so concerned about this issue they tried to get a bill through the legislature that would "ban lying by any political candidate." The bill never passed because the leaders couldn't get the lawmakers to stop laughing long enough to vote.

The Markhula Center for Applied Ethics is doing research on lying and they say the average American tells three or four lies per day. Reading that, I realized it must be true. Last week Iris and I left a car at the airport for our kids coming in on a midnight flight. Iris was just ahead of me with their car. Couldn't see where she went so reluctantly entered the pay-gate where you get a ticket showing the time entered. Then saw Iris and told her to hop in fast to keep my fee down.

Drove to the exit and started telling the toll girl I never intended to enter a pay parking area. Explained, "Am on my way to Columbia Falls and must have taken a wrong turn." She smiled, looked at the ticket, and said there was no charge because I hadn't been there long enough. Iris asked, "Why did you tell that nice young lady such a whopper?" Iris knew why but she likes personalized explanations.

"Iris, my dear, the average person tells her the boring truth or boring lies, and she hears it over and over. Now she'll be able to tell her family and friends about some old nut who claimed he got lost in the airport parking lot while driving to Columbia Falls."

If what I told the young lady at the airport is lying … be not hasty to condemn. "USA Weekend" is conducting a survey of 100,000 people, asking them, "Is it ever OK to lie?" The results will be published later. In the meantime, William Bennett has written a book called "The Death of Outrage: Bill Clinton and the Assault on American Ideals." Bennett believes, "There's nothing wrong with a white lie that has no consequence. The serious lies are those where truth is at stake and the circumstances are serious."

In Shan's and my wildlife book I admit telling school officials at Camas Prairie I was a Catholic, so I wouldn't have to eat the school lunch buffalo meat on Friday. Was in the first grade, and I still consider it one of the most justifiable tales I ever invented. Favorite philosopher, Mark Tawin, said, "When in doubt, tell the truth." Back in 1934, there was no doubt in my mind that mis-stating my religion was the only way to macaroni and cheese.

Stripped to dictionary basics, "LIE: is the simple direct word meaning to make a deliberately false statement with intent to deceive. PREVARICATE: means, "to quibble or confuse the issue in order to evade the truth, or mislead." FABRICATE: means "the invention of a false story, excuse, etc., intended to deceive." FIB: implies "the telling of a falsehood about something unimportant and is sometimes used as a euphemism for lie."

It is disappointing the dictionary ignores the purest art of deceit, "bull-plop." The closest it gets is the word "Hyperbole: an intentional exaggeration not intended to be taken literally."

Dictionaries need to refine hyperbole with the addition of "Bull-Plop: (noun 1) a deliberate false statement intended to stretch the imagination and entertain, without hurting anyone. (Noun 2) twisting or exaggerating the truth in order to make actual events seem more interesting or important to others, i.e. (to column readers)."

Year ago the Over the Hill Gang had a new hiker on Elk Mountain. At Fielding Cabin we came upon high aspen stumps near a large beaver dam. They were chewed off four feet above the ground, and our new member was flabbergasted. He'd seen typical beaver stumps one or two feet high. I was quick to tell him of "giant beavers" that live along the Continental Divide. Informed him the rare furbearers were almost wiped out by early trappers who could make a complete coat out of one pelt. Made it clear he was witnessing evidence of an animal rarely seen in this century.

When our new friend wanted to hide there in hopes of seeing the rare giant beaver, one of the Gang told him, "George just made them up. The high stumps were created by ordinary beaver cutting down trees while standing on top of snow."

Politicians aren't the only ones who stray from the facts but at least we common B.S.ers do not cost millions of taxpayers' dollars.

Like most of you, I seldom strain for complete accuracy when discussing trout, big bucks, golf scores … and stuff like that.

G. George Ostrom is a Kalispell resident and national-award winning Hungry Horse News columnist.