Pasted on the potty

Deliberately glue somebody to the toilet seat? Who'd do a thing like that? I can think of a few people I've met over the years who might have deserved such a fate, but how can you be sure you're going to stick the right person? We've got a case going now down in Denver where some guy named Bob Dougherty is suing Home Depot for playing a prank which he says resulted in his being glued to a toilet seat in one of their restrooms. If anyone other than Dougherty actually planned that incident, what kind of glue could they use?

Since suing big companies, stores, doctors, and the government became so popular, it is getting harder and harder to come up with really good ideas for claiming damages. The lady who sued McDonalds because the hot coffee burned her…er.. lap, thought she had a really swell plan. Then there was the woman who got herself prosecuted when she lied by saying she found a finger in her restaurant sandwich.

We could make a long list of failures but the list of successful lawsuit frauds is scary. Some of them have put big innocent companies like Piper Aircraft out of business and forced many manufacturers to move out of the United States. I can think of at least one historical American rifle company that went across the ocean, and a couple of tool makers. Think of how many doctors we know or heard about who quit practicing medicine because of the cost of liability insurance.

Few years ago I hiked in Glacier Park with a New York surgeon who left his practice and became a corporate jet pilot. He had been sued twice for malpractice. Even though he won, he said the mental anguish for himself and family wasn't worth all that effort to help people.

Back to this recent toilet seat business, town officials from Nederland, Colo., came forward and told Denver police that Dougherty claimed back in 2004 to have been glued to a toilet seat in their town's Visitor Center, but had been able to "pull himself free." Even though he may have been the butt of a cruel joke, the officials felt he was really stretching things a little far.

Meanwhile, Dougherty was upset with the claims by Nederland officials and volunteered to take a lie detector test to "dispel doubts" about his weird claim against Home Depot. He was asked 20 questions while hooked up to a polygraph machine. The questions included four related to the 2004 alleged posterior pasting episode at Nederland. A story in the Rocky Mountain News states that he "passed" the polygraph test, whatever that means. He denies the "visitor center" incident ever took place.

We all know there is no claim so far-out and ridiculous that somebody can't dream up and a desperate lawyer won't attempt to cash in on.

Don't know about you folks, but I am personally overwhelmed by expectancy about who, when, and where, someone is going to come up with a more imaginative plan for a damages lawsuit than gluing your buns to a toilet seat.

This is truly…an exciting time in history.