Tourist season

National Park Service officials today confirmed reports of the shooting of two tourists in Yellowstone Park early this season. The shootings were authorized under a newly implemented policy to protect bears.

"I know this sort of thing upsets people," said the assistant director, "but we had no choice in dealing with the problem. Human-grizzly encounters are simply too dangerous. We attempted relocation of both tourists, but they just returned the next season. The potential danger to bears had become too great, and we had to remove these tourists permanently."

Apparently both tourists had been involved in a number of interactions with bears in the past. Park Service sources said the two had been relocated the previous season to what were believed to be their home ranges—New York City and Austin, Texas. Despite the distance, both managed to return to Wyoming this year, intimidating grizzlies attempting to catch fish after emerging from hibernation.

"Some may think tourists are 'cute' or 'interesting'," said one official, "but they can be very unpredictable and dangerous."

She recounted attempts last year to keep one of the tourists, known to rangers as "Al," from approaching a grizzly with his camera to take close-ups.

"It was a close call for two of our rangers. Al suddenly swung his hiking stick at them. He caught one on the shoulder. They finally got a tranquilizer dart into him."

The other tourist, known as "Sonja," had been seen several times feeding marshmallows to bears. Attempts to remove her from the area resulted in deep fingernail scratches on the neck and arms of two rangers. She also called them nasty names, one recalled.

Acknowledging controversy over the policy of shooting tourists who return to areas habituated by bears, the assistant director said, "We can't have it both ways. If we want our park safe for wildlife, then we have to do whatever is necessary to protect it."

Meanwhile, the Congressional Subcommittee on National Parks, of the Interior Committee, announced an investigation into the policy of authorizing the shootings. "It's a real shame when something this unfortunate happens," said the committee chairman. "It could have been avoided with more reasonable policies," Hearings begin as soon as Congress returns from the summer recess.

*(Note- The above "National Park press release" is literary sarcasm at its very best, and this piece was first run in the High Country News of Paonia, Colo., in an April, 1991 edition. I saw my first copy in July of 1994 and laughed myself sick… am still chuckling, so must share with column readers. Author of this wonderfully convincing satire is Mark Flower of Longmont, Colorado. Many thanks again to you Mark, and a special thanks to Betsy Marston, Editor of the High Country News) - G. George Ostrom