Burglar bashing

A guy who spins yarns on the radio weekday mornings then writes a newspaper column every Thursday and keeps doing that for 45 years … is bound to become occasionally confused about what stories he has told, and where. This is more true after his age goes over 75. That is why I asked "First Wife Iris" this week if she thought I had written the story of the robber who got the hell beat out of him in the old folks home. She said, "No, I think you told that on the radio." I hope Iris was right, because here comes the story.

The hero of that incident went into the old folks home at night to rob and steal from the elderly folks but one of them clobbered him over the head with a pool queue or something and several others joined in to hit him with canes, chairs, wooden legs—you name it. After he got out of the hospital, there was a trial and with so many witnesses against the defendant, his lawyer was desperate. In final summation the lawyer said, "Your Honor, please have mercy on my client. Because of his crime and what happened to him, he is a social outcast in the jail. What's worse, he may never be able to hold his head high again in criminal society."

That case happened in Australia, but down under isn't the only place with wing nut robbers and ding-a-ling crooks. Last year Jared Gipson's plan to rob the Blalock Beauty College in Shreveport, Louisiana, went bad right from the start. Somebody dented his skull with a table leg then 20 students and teachers followed up with curling irons, hair dryers, chairs and fists. Police rescued him and an ambulance took him to the hospital where doctors said he had 21 cuts requiring stitches.

Last month he was finally ready for sentencing on his conviction for attempted robbery. Prosecutors produced evidence that Jared was a repeat offender so the judge gave him 25 years. Court observers noted he would probably have received a much bigger sentence, except several women from the beauty college felt sorry for how bad the guy got beat up, so they appealed to the judge for leniency.

Both of the above incidents were reported by Chuck Shepherd in his syndicated column "News of the Weird." I've stolen from Chuck before, and will probably do so again; however, he doesn't get all the crazy stuff. This past week there was a report from Pamplona, Spain. That is where they have the "Running of the Bulls" every year when mostly young foolish men run through the streets with the bulls to the bull fight ring and often get trampled, gored or even killed.

William Rivas-Rivas is coordinator for the "running of the nudes." He says, "Our point is to make it fun and festive, and most important, attention-getting." William believes that nothing gets more attention than taking your clothes off. "Running of the nudes" takes place a day or two before the running of the bulls and it is sponsored by PETA, which supports the ethical treatment of animals. Rivas-Rivas says the "running of the nudes" is gaining popularity every year and is getting more support from people who want to stop the killing of the bulls in Spain.

This year there are 700 protesters however some of them do not take all their clothes off. In the first nudie event four years ago there were only 25 marchers … er' runners. Rivas preaches the truth from his heart. "There are a lot of ways to have fun without torturing animals."

I don't know much about William Rivas-Rivas except … he seems to be a born philosopher.