Rules for hitting the road

Here's a tip: If you're planning a trip somewhere, take time to actually plan it.

It will save you money, time and a lot of heartache.

For your convenience, here are a few things to do and not to do when travelling, based solely on my own experiences last weekend.

Do: Make sure the radio in your car is working before you head out on your drive.

Don't: Sing Vanessa Carlton songs to yourself as you slowly go insane listening to the raspy hum of static.

Do: Enjoy the countryside as you drive by, taking in the sights of America.

Don't: Stop in Ritzville, Wash. looking for the Taco Bell you've been dreaming of for 100 miles, because it's not there, even though the interstate road sign says it is.

Do: Buy football tickets and hotel rooms in advance.

Don't: Leave the day before the game, get into Seattle after dark and hope to find a hotel room anywhere near the stadium.

Do: Keep a detailed map of the city you're visiting in your car.

Don't: Say "let's take a right here, that looks good," and spend two hours going in circles, at one point even contemplating driving off a bridge into Puget Sound.

Do: Be polite to hotel staff as they repeatedly tell you they have no vacancy, even though the signs out front clearly say "vacancy."

Don't: Make fun of a lady's wig and yell at her after she tells you a room is available, but then changes her mind when she realizes she put in the wrong date in the computer.

Do: Learn where it's safe to park your car.

Don't: Park near homeless guys that urinate on the sides of buildings as you walk by.

Do: Read the hours of operation for the parking garages.

Don't: Return to your car at 7:30 p.m., only to find out the garage is already closed and will stay closed the entire next day.

Do: Stay calm if you believe you're locked in a parking garage in a major city.

Don't: Drive around like a maniac, screaming for help as you realize every single exit is closed and your dead body might be found in the parking garage Monday morning.

Do: Spend some cash, because you're on vacation.

Don't: Spend so much money that you go into financial disrepair.

Do: Sample the local cuisine.

Don't: Make yourself sick by filling up on Hot Pockets, Doritos and the free continental breakfast at the hotel restaurant.

Do: Spend an evening on the town, learning about the culture and enjoying the night life.

Don't: Fall asleep at 8:30 p.m. while watching "I, Robot" in your hotel room.

Do: Obey all laws, including speed limits.

Don't: Get caught going 90 on the interstate in eastern Washington while driving your friend's car with out of state plates.

Do: Be thankful if the highway patrolman lets you off with a warning.

Don't: Call the same officer a moron as you drive off and cruise right back up to 90.

Do: Make it home safely and be thankful for your trip.

Don't: Think back about how many times you barely escaped death, jail time and debt and say to yourself, "Man, that could have been bad. Real bad."

John VanVleet is a writer and columnist for the Hungry Horse News. You can e-mail him at jvanvleet@hungryhorsenews.com