The getaway

Went out to the big bear controversy last week in Hungry Horse. Got a call that there was a bear up a tree. Turn right at the light, the caller said. You can't miss it.

Actually, you could have missed the bear, but you couldn't have missed all the people watching the bear up the tree.

The crowd had split in to three factions. There were the women, who said come hell or high water, no one was going to shoot that bear.

There were the men, who wanted to shoot the bear.

And there were something like 100 kids, some of whom actually had shirts and shoes on, who just wanted to get a good look at the bear. Many of them carried those little throwaway cameras.

Then there was the bear, of course.

He had two yellow ear tags, which meant he had been in trouble before. He was wayyyyy up the tree.

The women didn't want the men shooting the bear with all the kids around. One guy, apparently, had suggested he shoot it with a bow and arrow. But that went over like a lead balloon with the ladies.

What if it just got hurt and went after somebody or got away or chewed on one of the kids with no shoes and no shirts on?

Yeah, what if?

Did I mention it was a sunny warm day? That's probably why the kids had no shoes and no shirts on. It was like a swarm of Huck Finns. Kids with feet of iron who could walk across barbed wire and broken glass if they wanted to. I admire kids like that. I can't walk across my back lawn in bare feet without oooing and aaahhing.

But enough about my feet. Back to this bear. We were talking about a bear, weren't we?

The men looked at it this way: The kids went to hunter education. They were learning how to hunt. What difference did it make if you shot a critter in town instead of out of town?

"That bear could chew up a kid," one guy argued to me. The women scowled at him, then at me, and I didn't even do anything but smirk.

I was the monkey in the middle. Don't you dare smirk, monkey boy, the women said with their scowly scowls. This is not smirk territory.

While everyone was arguing about what to do with the bear, the bear decided what it would do itself. It came down the tree, butt first, looking for shotguns and arrows.

The kids squealed with excitement.

Cameras flashed. Women scowled. Men scowled. The bear hunkered down at the base of the tree and decided to wait things out. I took a couple of pictures myself.

I felt bad for the bear. The men were scowling at it because they wanted to shoot it. The women were scowling at the men, and the kids were all trying to get a closer for a picture.

The poor old bear just wanted an apple or two or 40.

I left, but from what I understand, Fish and Game did show up and got all ready to trap the bear when God intervened.

The fire whistle sounded. That was the bear's queue. With folks wondering what the siren was for, the bear took off running into the woods.

And it never came back.