Highbrow lunch

I live close to the office, which means on days when I'm stuck in the office, I can at least go home for lunch. This allows me to scratch the very underbelly of daytime television.

Daytime TV is an odd mix. If I watch PBS, I can exercise with this petite older woman who never gets out of her chair.

Now lift your buttock! Hold it! Hold it! Good! I can here some good breathing here. Wonderful!

Home Shopping Network is selling blouses for big girls at that hour, and channel 9 has been featuring a product called the Slim-n-Lift. It's this torturous body wrap that stuffs your flabby rump under your neck and tucks your tummy under your breasts. I bought myself two. One for the weekends.

There's the usual slew of soaps, but they're just too stupid anymore. No, my palate needs something far more intellectual, far more highbrow. That's right, game shows.

I admit it here and now. Start me on the 12 steps. I'm addicted to Family Feud, with your host, Richard Karn, formerly the bumpkin from Tool Time.

He's still a bumpkin, but we love him, don't we?

Family Feud has been around forever. The original show, if I'm not mistaken, was hosted by Richard Dawson, of Hogan's Heroes. They've fancied it up since then. They give away more money, and the buzzer is electronic now. But it's still the same premise. The host feels everyone up while he asks them inane, wonderful questions.

Last Friday, it was the Kazeroonies versus the Adams family. The Kazeroonies were either a family of hit-men or used car salesmen. They had slick hair, hawk noses and cheap suits. And that was just the women of the family.

Richard asked gramps Kazerooni which American city had the smartest people.

Gramps thought about it for a minute, then blurted out (and I am not making this up): Florida!

Of course, the rest of the dope Kazeroonis clapped their hands and yelled, "Good answer! Good answer!"

Ahhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnn! Went the buzzer. Sorry gramps, the city of Florida isn't that smart, is it? Now where did you say you were from? Oh that's right. The city of California. Should have guessed.

In another round, Lisa from the Adams family was asked, "Name a state where people speak with an accent."

Three seconds Lisa.

"Uh, Mexico!" she yelled.

Ahhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnn! Went the buzzer.

I just bust up in giggles. How could you NOT be addicted to this show? But the best round is the bonus round. This is where I turn the recliner away from the TV and pretend I'm on the show. I have 20 seconds to answer the questions. I'm shooting for the most popular answers. Get 200 points, win $20,000.

Walk by my house at noon and you'll hear some yelling going on. Name a bird that makes a lot of noise. Name a dangerous animal people kept as a pet. Name the age when children learn the alphabet. Name an activity that messes up your hair. Name the number of times a day you wash your hands.

The horror! The horror!

Isn't it great?

Chris Peterson is the editor of the Hungry Horse News.