Fish Tales

Miss America — No talent required

There was crushing news from the beauty pageant industry last week, when the Miss America pageant announced it is pulling the plug on its talent competition.

So, it's as we've suspected all along, beauty pageants really are just about good looks and hour-glass figures.

Pageant officials are blaming the move on pressure from ABC, which is trimming the telecast to two hours this year.

"It's the cornerstone of our organization. It's what sets us apart," said Miss America CEO Art McMaster in press reports. "If it were up to me, I'd show all 52 talents on TV. But when you're in a collaborative effort, as we are with ABC, there had to be a compromise somewhere."

Ratings have been sagging for the famous pageant, with an all-time low 10.3 million viewers last year.

Pageant loyalists are crying foul, saying the talent competition was what separated Miss America from other strictly beauty pageants.

Maybe if ABC could figure out a way to spin a reality TV series out of Miss America, people would watch it?

Mullet makeover?

Here's another bit of startling national news, and just in time for those back-to-school haircuts. The mullet is back.

I love the comment from Mark Larson, co-author of "The Mullet: Hairstyle of the Gods. "It's kind of like what they say about the evolution of roaches. They've been here since the dinosaurs, and they just keep adapting. The mullet adapts."

In case you're not familiar with this fashionable do, the mullet features bangs, cropped hair over the ears and long hair in back. It rose to fame in the 1980s, when everyone from little girls (yeah, my kids have destroyed all pictures of them sporting mullets) to rock-and-rollers. And like platform shoes and polyester, just because it was fashionable doesn't mean it was flattering.

There's something else my hair stylist says is ready to make a comeback — big hair. Remember the hairsprayed bangs four inches high and the permed, then teased, then hairsprayed some more locks of the the early 80s? It's just a matter of time, she said.